by Barbra Metheny

Mainlanders Join Wedding Party

The local newspapers read, "Mike Compton, President of the Caribbean BBQ Association, recently married the love of his life, Lovelia Martinez, in a beautiful wedding ceremony near their home town of San Juan, Puerto Rico, with friends and family to witness the joyful occasion. Included in the wedding party were the groom's sister, Barbra, and her husband, Randy Metheny, mainlanders from Southern California."

Actually, we're from Orange County, California; vacationing in Puerto Rico for the second time while incorporating my brother's wedding and a much needed break from the fast pace of Southern California living.  It's been about 9 years since we last visited the island and we were anxious to meet Mike and Lovy's friends, enjoy a week-long "after wedding party" and re-acquaint ourselves with laid back island pleasures.

The Compound

Arriving mid week on an all day flight from LA, we were whisked away to "The Compound" in the little community of Loiza, located about 15 miles outside San Juan where Mike and Lovy maintain a year round beachside "love nest for two" as a way of putting time and distance between them and the city.  It was dark by the time we arrived at the turn off: a pot holed, unpaved road clearly marked with two large and foreboding signs, "NO ENTRADA!" If it hadn't been my brother, I might have suspected we’d been hijacked and taken to an undisclosed location for some villainous purpose. 

To our delight and surprise, at the end of that obstacle path was a neatly manicured beachfront home containing three apartments on a 3 acre oceanfront private property.  The "love nest" on the second floor was like a little bird nest way up in a giant palm tree, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Inimitably decorated with the love birds' favorite, most comfortable possessions, we instantly felt relaxed and peaceful listening to the waves rolling onto the shore, a warm breeze soothing our spirits, good music in the background and the sound of love and laughter of a family reunited.

Mike couldn't wait to show us "the big house" next door where we would be staying for the rest of our vacation. Spacious and airy with all the comforts of a great Puerto Rican style party house, fully stocked with great wine, snacks, new beach towels, fresh flowers, a pool table in the loft overlooking the big room and a huge veranda overlooking the ocean, we were almost too excited to sleep in anticipation of exploring our new digs tomorrow. 

Loiza has the distinction of being the poorest town on the entire island; where most all locals survive well below the poverty line as service labor for the big hotels, restaurants and tourist attractions in the near by capitol city of San Juan.  While there is no real commerce to speak of in Loiza (unless you consider neighborhood bars and eating establishments as commerce), the denizens look happy and content in their bright, multi-colored clap board and stucco houses of vivid yellow, turquoise blue, bubble gum pink and gaudy red.  People of Caucasian persuasion seem oddly out of place in this neighborhood of local natives.  It doesn't take much imagination to see the locals are the last remnants of the African slave trade that missed the boat to the Americas.

Juxtaposed to the affluent ruling upper class Hispanics and Americans, I can't really imagine what the "Loizans" must think about tourists from around the world that come to the island and spend more dollars on trinkets and bar bills in a day, than these people may make in a month.  But, that's a mainlander's perspective. 

The Compound has been owned by the __________ family since 19___ and is maintained by one of four daughters, Golin, and her husband, Juan Carlos. Most of our time before and after the wedding was spent leisurely relaxing and partying with Juan Carlos in the role of "host with the most" singing, playing, cooking and ensuring the comfort of the wedding guests.

As Mike and Lovy's friends arrived periodically throughout the next few days prior to the wedding, the party grew to include a large contingent of barbeque aficionados, each of whom professed to hold the secrets of the best barbeque.  The first barbeque was hosted at The Compound on the eve of the wedding.  The guest of honor was the priest, Father Conkly, who was to perform the wedding.

Presiding over the barbeque was Caribbean BBQ President Mike, aka the Groom; award winning pit master, Garry Howard, aka Pit & web master of www.TheSmokeRing.com from Rincon; Juan Carlos, our gracious host, and my husband, Randy, barbeque neophyte by comparison, from the West Coast of the mainland.  Without an official declaration, the barbeque kings took up battle positions around the grill and the heat was on.

The Gauntlet Thrown Down

It was Good Friday and, appropriate to the occasion, fresh grilled Tilapia was the center of the plate, and side dishes of brown beans, rice, and "tostones."   A lip smacking Carne Asada (inside skirt steak A.K.A. churracso), appetizers were prepared and served by Juan Carlos, but mostly devoured as quickly as it came off the grill. 

While the local Puerto Ricans claimed proficiency in barbeque technique, it was the California neophyte who received accolades for the Tilapia marinade made from "on hand" ingredients of strawberry wine, olive oil, lime juice and seasoning; complimented by fresh grilled local papaya and pineapple.  Obviously, the California neophyte had a few tricks of his own that sparked a friendly brawl for barbeque bragging rights between the Puerto Rican barbeque kings. 

Not to be outdone, each of the barbeque kings threw down the gauntlet and invited us to experience their personal best and judge the results of Garry Howard's Smoke Ring barbeque at Rincon, and W.P. Gundry's Weber Grill Miracle before returning to the mainland.   A common bond of friendship was formed over the hot grill between the East and West Coast Puerto Rican barbeque kings and the mainlander neophyte; but there was never any doubt the competition was a fierce and serious matter.

We rented a car and headed West to the Caribbean side of the island to visit Garry and Irene Howard, salivating all the way, in anticipation of smoked barbeque that Garry had been cooking in the 12 hours prior to our arrival.  The Howards and their parrot, Taco, own a spacious, beautiful open and airy home and garden within 50 yards of the most peaceful, pristine beach cove on the Caribbean.  We felt truly welcomed and our hosts lavished us with hospitality from the moment we arrived.

We could smell the savory aroma of smoked barbeque the minute we walked on the property, teasing our olfactory senses to the point we could think of nothing else but wrapping our lips around "dem bones".  We were greeted with refreshing, delicious Mojitos garnished with fresh mint from the garden to whet our appetites.  After touring the beautiful surrounding garden filled with native flowering plants, shrubs and fruit bearing trees, we were seated at a large round table with big comfortable cushioned chairs in their gazebo, equipped with a full kitchen and refrigerator sized smoker.  Garry couldn't wait to open the smoker and give us a hint of what was to come.

Three full slabs of special cut beef ribs with about an inch of meat on both sides of the bone, and four split chickens, both dry rubbed with Garry's own private recipe and smoked to perfection.  Irene prepared a delicious Moscow Potato Salad and a simple red cabbage slaw - both the perfect complement to Garry's smoked barbeque. Garry's private recipe barbeque dipping sauce was served on the side.  All the sensory taste buds were so satisfactorily bathed and soothed, no dessert was needed.  It was so delicious we ate the same thing the second night and looked forward to it all day as we snorkeled and swam the beautiful and serene warm waters of the Caribbean just outside their door. 

Knowing our last night on the island would be spent with the competitor barbeque king, Paul, and his wife Diane, at their San Juan condo, Garry didn't miss the opportunity to warn us that "Paul cooks on a Weber" as if cooking on a Weber was somehow "not respectable" for serious barbeque kings.  Undaunted, we said our good byes and headed back to the East Coast of Puerto Rico with visions of more barbeque dancing in our heads.

Little did we really know that Paul had been planning, cooking and preparing for our visit all week, knowing he would have a chance to "best" Garry with his Weber Grill magic.  We arrived at 7 PM to a beautifully decorated, uptown high rise over looking Old San Juan on one of the most beautiful nights on the island.  The aroma of the barbeque wafted into the elevator as the door opened.  We followed the scent like lambs to the slaughter.  Paul had everything under control:  cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, delicious and eye appealing side dishes, grilled to perfection pork loins ribs and a delicious cheesecake and coffee to put the finishing touches on every single taste bud.  The food was perfect in every possible way and beautifully presented. 

Paul could not resist asking what Garry prepared for us and how he compared.  What a difficult position to have to pass judgment on the better of two entirely different types and styles of barbeque.  It was clear that as good natured as Paul appears, he became anxious and intense as he prodded us for details.
 
It must have been that my guard was down after cocktails and plenty of delicious barbeque that still makes my mouth water just thinking about it.  Mesmerized by the conversation, beautiful art on display and the graciousness of our host and hostess, I don’t know what possessed me to come clean and divulge Garry's remark that "Paul cooks on a Weber."   Nonetheless, it was like the cry of battle to Paul.  His line of defense was admittedly tough and hard to argue as he explained in great detail how a real barbeque king does not have to rely to posh smokers and expensive gadgets for barbeque perfection.  In fact, it is the cut of meat, the secretly guarded recipes for rub and sauce; and most of all the unique technique of the barbeque master that produces the best barbeque.  Unabashedly, Paul declared himself Barbeque King because he could cook up a killer barbeque anywhere, anytime with nothing but a campfire and still beat the pants off Garry's fancy smoker!

Clearly, my slip of the lips caused a bit of a joust between Paul and Garry; and Randy and I both poured on the highly justified compliments as Paul reminded us of every little detail he personally attended to, just to make our trip more memorable.  It was clear Paul was not going to let us off easy.  He was prepared to duel for his position as Barbeque King.  Well, we managed to get out by declaring an outright tie between the judges for Barbeque King and vowed we must return again for a formal and righteous cook-off.  Paul was good with that, while swearing he would call Garry to gloat. 

The real winners were, of course, the neophyte from California and the sister of the groom.  Never have we been in such a privileged pose with clout and authority to bring grown men to the precipice of bawling, brawling braggarts.  The entire trip was a bounty of great memories, fun times and new friendships that will continue for a lifetime. 

The Next Battlefront

We are back at home now and barbeque has become an infatuation.  As soon as we feel sufficiently studied in the subject matter, we vow to return to Puerto Rico, throw down the gauntlet and challenge the Kings to an even greater battle for the bragging rights to Barbeque Emperor.  I just don't know . . . . . Weber or Smoker? Smoker or Weber? . . . .  Hmmmm.

We thank you all for making our trip to Puerto Rico a memorable and unforgettable experience.